I hate your face
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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