Someone shit on the floor
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
