if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
