if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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