Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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