ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
