The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
