I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
