if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
