I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
