Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
