Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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