either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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