Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
