we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
