i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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