I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
