Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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