and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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