turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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