Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Too much gin, very little bucket
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
