I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
me + whiskey = a bad person
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
