I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
