Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize