Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
