How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
