brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
