took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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