dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
