Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
