i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
