We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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