Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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