You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
