so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
