if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize