she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
