I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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