So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
