Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
