I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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