Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
