Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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