Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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