Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
