I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
