Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
