guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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