Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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