Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
