A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I love you. Go after that dick
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
