You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
