I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
