I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
