How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's the barista slut.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
