New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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