I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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