Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize