I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize