Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
