Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i was born a porn star she said
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
