enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
