Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
