Can i not drive my cunt home
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize