so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
